I always thought I relished change. I don’t like to stay in the same place for too long and I enjoy the process of moving or planning a next adventure. I like to find my way through new experiences and situations. Transitions of change have always felt like times to celebrate and enjoy instead of dread and feel anxiety about.
For those reading this who have only known me since having my boys they might find themselves with bewildered looks on their faces wondering if they are reading the right blog. But, the statements above are true B.K. (before kids).
Since having L, a little more than 5 years ago, my ability to embrace transition and change have taken an abrupt 180 degree turn. I find myself feeling a lot of anxiety when anticipating change and feeling the need to prepare L (and now C too) as well as myself for what is about to come as often as possible. The more I think I have control of the change the easier it is for all of us to walk through it.
I am not exactly sure when I turned into someone who feels anxiety when I know the day holds a change in our routine. It is like I have to psyche myself up, give myself plenty of reassurance that it is for the best, you can do it, keep moving forward. This is my way of making it through the transition/change without breaking down, getting frazzled and potentially yelling at my boys or even just inside my head at myself.
If I really stop and think, I can’t believe how much my ability to go with the flow of life. B.K has changed. I used to gain strength from change, feel proud to feel in tune with my life and rarely questioned or freaked out during an abrupt change in how I thought something would turn out. But, today…well, let’s just say that I hold steadfast to the routine I have set in place for my boys, it keeps me sane.
There was nothing routine about this past week. It was one change after another. All of them fantastic changes, all of them necessary to my boys development as little men. And overall, I held it together, I found my way through it and was thankful for the reminder that change is necessary and good.
A Kindergartener in the family:
As our family was walking to school with L for his first day of Kindergarten I couldn’t help but take in every moment. My emotions ran over when L met his teacher for the first time, this really surprised me. I thought it was such a random moment for my emotions to well up. But, his immediate trust and enjoyment for her was so special to see, I couldn’t help but feel proud of him and excited to see him so grown up and ready for this new experience.
This is one of my favorite pictures from the morning. His sweet face and wave telling me “I got this mama”.
I feel so fortunate, parents were able to spend the first morning with their children. I think this offered both L and me the opportunity to get through the first day together and when I brought him to school the next day he was more than excited to go to school.
No more crib:
C decided to try his hand at climbing out of his crib this week. I expected this moment to happen a lot sooner. It turns out it was great timing.
He is proud to sleep in his bed and he has actually slept the most restful nights of sleep of his life since he started sleeping in his bed. It just feels so strange to think we have had a crib in our house for more than 5 years…and now we don’t.
Just C and me:
This is the most uninterrupted time C and I have spent together, just the two of us. I can’t even tell you how special and important I feel this time with him is. From the moment we drop L off at school C starts talking…about the trees, the birds, his favorite t.v. show, the color of the house or car he is passing, everything. It is his stream of consciousness just pouring out of his sweet little mouth and guess what, I have time to listen to it all.
He is trying so many new things. We went to the grocery store and he pushed his own cart for the first time. To say he was proud is the biggest understatement of the year. He was a great helper, working so hard to listen and push the cart slow. I made sure this adventure wasn’t about me. I wasn’t in a rush and I didn’t need 100 items at the store. This was about giving C the experience he has longed to have. He did great.
A haircut and no crying:
For at least a year we have gone to the same place to get C’s haircut. We have gone with his brother L, I have sat in the chair with him, we have brought the family…nothing has worked. He cries and cries. Most of the time I take L to get his haircut and C refuses. We wait to get his haircut until my mom either comes to visit or we visit her.
We were between Mimi visits and C’s hair was in need of a haircut. He bravely walked in the front door, walked up to the chair, climbed on, unwrapped his sucker and proceeded to get his haircut without a tear.
No more training wheels:
I wish I had a picture of this moment with L but it wasn’t really about the picture. It was about him finally trusting himself enough to ask to take off his training wheels.
He is still wobbly and a bit unsure of his abilities but with each time he rides without them he is more confident, proud and looking so grown up.
I am so proud of him.
Quite a week! The lesson of this week in my eyes is that I do like change. It is anticipating change that is difficult for me. I learned that instead of thinking of all the what if’s, I need to just live through the change. Change reminds me to embrace what is right in front of me. In my case it is two fantastic boys who are living their lives to their best abilities and growing right before my eyes.